I've decided that this year I'm going to take the important things and those who are more important for me seriously. It sounds as if before I wasn't doing it but simply I didn't have to make an effort. Now neither, but this time I'll do the things well. I've realized that the time matters, I probably won't have the same possibilities in a few years. The TIME RUNS fast and doesn't stop for anybody.
I aspire HIGH, I don't have an easy limit, I look for the difficult thing, what the whole world thinks that is the best thing. I really don't know what I want, I only know that it has to be something so good, out of the normal thing. It cannot be mediocre or simply normal.
All my life, for short it is, I have been " the best ", I was always doing the "correct thing", always I had to win, had to be better every second.
And the truth, for sad it could be, is that my life is based almost only in obtaining that will make me better, in being better than others.
Don't get confused, I'm not competitive, except with myself, and this is a great problem. It's not nice being your own judge and to aspire to too high things because, in many cases, you will let yourself down.
I've learned to be like that, I don't do many things to be able to have the perfect history, to SEEM to be perfect. And I'm not, more than once, even more than thousand times, I have been wrong, and I've had to learn to live with my own complexes and opinions of myself, because in the end I'll be the person I will have to support for the rest of my life.
But I don't learn. I continue looking for something that maybe will come or maybe not, for what will makes me better and seem being perfect. The worse thing of everything is that I don't even KNOW WHAT I WANT, and in some moment I will have to decide and I don't want to continue living only for feigning a perfect image, but for doing what I like and for enjoying how I am, for enjoying my mistakes, for being able to repent and return to begin.