Wednesday 30: teen's questions ...

For write this today I 've stopped to think in all the problems I have day after day and who have my friends and acquaintances. Often I don't know if everything happens to me or what I do for everything goes out for me badly. How do the others want I tell them how I am if I don't even know it? How can I know really what I want or how I am?
 I'm going to tell you some of the doubts I have; even my friends don't know some because I'm ashame to tell him it, I don't know if you'll understand me; and other doubts that people that I know have. If you know how to help please comment , but I believe that they are big mysteries for the humanity.Probably someone looks like to you like a bilge but I'm sure I know someone in the world that the same thing happens to him.

It will begin with things as the drugs, alcohol and tobacco. I'm not the holy one, everything it is necessary to say, I'm the first one who drinks in the weekend. People ask things  like: Must I prove it? What were they think of my if I…? Do I continue smoking? Am I hooked? How can I leave it? Will something happen for a cigarette? I have friends of all kinds, from  the ones who don't want to see a cigar up to those who smoke up even the leaves of the trees; from that it isn't important for them to take a little to be happy up to those who are hooked, of all kinds. In the end … let's continue …

Another topic is the family. Always they are in way though they don't have anything to say with what you're doing. It could be to rest or to press yourself, but always they are there. In my case it is in the habit of being to put pressure. Of this things go out things like: what will I do for not disappoint them? How can I demonstrate them that I'm not a disaster? Or in case someone in your family is sick (I've friends that this is happening to them and it isn't precisely agreeable) Will it happen or finish badly? Why does this happen to me with the people that I love? The same thing that before …

The penultimate topic that I'm going to extract today is the future. I often ask myself what is what I want and I never come to a clear response. It's very troublesome to see that the whole world knows what is what it wants to do, to study … and you don't know what you want to do tomorrow. Sometimes I have the sensation that though I know I'm worthy for much things I will finish without doing anything for don't knowing well what I want. What do I want to do? What will I be in a few years? Will I obtain what I want if I strain for it (because I don't see it possible)? How can I know what is what I must do? … You will be getting tired already of me so this one is the last topic …

The most spoken topic between ourselves if we are sincere is love, so it deserve a paragraph of this post. How many times I will have asked things about this, surely more times that I have felt it really. Also it depends of the type of love that you feel. I meet people who is gay or lesbian and it's having a bad time because the people not only don't accept them, they even reject them and they're so afraid, especially to finding anybody for them because they see it very difficultly. It is a topic that gives me great sorrow because I believe that they are people as any different and I don't believe that anything happens to them for loving people of the same sex. After my reflection it will leave some questions: will I find someday this special person? (maybe) do I love him or not? I want to do it really or ..? It is normal that I feels this what I feel? And this way I could continue for hours...

All these questions pass for my mind every day at all hours, and many have achieved that some friends end up by crying for a simple supposition. They must getting bitter the adolescence , clearly, because I don't see them any other function. I hope it was so easy to answer them like to choose what you are going to have for breakfast or even how you are going to dress. Surely they continue giving turned in a time but I hope that some day they all disappear. Thank you for lasting reading this reflection, I wait I don't have you bored very much. Kisses XoXo

Wednesday 23: freedom & future...

Hello! I like seeing you still reading my blog but I would be grateful on that you were commenting with your opinion or with improvements for the blog. Today I'm going to tell you something of what I go listening to speak the whole week.  I don't know how you are but when I'm in class and they extract an interesting topic, I'm not in the habit of thinking until it should see necessary.
Lately we speak about freedom and decisions, and things related as responsibility … I understand that the major people try to teach me where I've to go, which are the correct decisions and things like that, but it seems that they had the keys of my life and could enter and decide for me when they wanted and it's something that annoys me very much, probably it's cause I'm teen as the whole world says. I already know that there are things that aren't convenient for me and that I should leave of side, but there are times that  I only want to be wrong and to lose the fear of committing mistakes, cause as  the people says that's what the life treat not?
If I'm sincere, I often would like to be able to grow bolder and to remain with 18 years, and to be able to do what  I want without having to give explanations to my parents or to the rest of the world of why do what I do. Many people say that the 18 are the worse thing cause you've to assume the responsibilities of your acts but in exchange you can decide yourself without importing what the others think.
I hope I could fly for the free sky as birds, it's a fantasy and probably a bit vulgar but it's something that I would like to feel. I've another dream more attainable, actually I've many, but one stands out on the rest. I would like to travel to USA spatially to New York and to begin there a new life since really I am, being sincere with myself and without never shamming before the rest of the world how I am, cause for me this is the real freedom. Another day I'll tell you more dreams probably more interesting and more plans of future.

Finally, cause I'm getting longer a bit, I wanted to speak about these persons who haven't got freedom, for one or other reason; in my opinion, they aren't able  to show really how they are and their worth. If this goes on to someone of you (I'm sure that we all have a part of ourselves we don't show for fear to what will they say) you may should know  that here you have a support of being yourselves.
The person who tells you her life and her dreams without giving you her identity. XoXo

Thuesday 22: Carpe Diem...

Sorry for not writing during so much time, but I have been so busy. Today while I was walking, I've met two friends who I did'nt see for much. What a difference! One has changed so much, he has become more responsible and it seemed to be impossible cause he always  was living any wich way; and the other one is still like always ,equal of  mad. How the people change. On having seen them I have realized that these small things are those that make us happy along the life. In a couple of years I've stopped speaking with many people cause they've chosen different ways to me and little by little we have stopped meeting …
Every day we choose between many things that we can do and we normally  do the same thing, routine. Every day, day after day. In my case it is: what time I get up, have I breakfast or not?, do I finish the homework that I did'nt do yesterday?, or when in class we speak I give my opinion or leave it to run?... When I was small someone  told me that we only take  few decisions  in our life and the rest  are simple steps to follow that do the days more bearable.Today I have realized that it only will exist one March 22, 2011 and though it looks like a bilge, all the small things that I've done today will define (though a few things more than others) how it's going to be tomorrow, or simply they will be good recollections. These small things make me really happy: to go to the college and seeing that everything is still equal, to come home and seeing that everything is normal … but I want to take advantage of these moments instead of leaving them to happen. I have liked a spanish song and a phrase of Jessie J's song that says:

"Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright. " - Jessie J

Thursday 10: When I was young...

Hello!.
 Today we've done the annual photos in the high school. Every year I keep them and I like to see how I've changed, it's funny. From 3 years with mushroom hair till now, though  it wasn't important for myself how I was in the photo and now it is.
 Sometimes when I look at these photos and  see how I have grown I like to remember how I was when I believed that some day I would fly as Peter Pan. In those days to put on a shirt to the neck was to take a hero's cap, when I didn't like anything I could say ' it doesn't serve ' and everything was solved, my normal food was based on baubles and ice cream, and I was dreaming that in a future I might be who I wanted; I had neither obligations nor responsibilities, everything what it was doing badly was fixing up because I was small, a luxury...haha.
I see how I grow, and though there are things that I do not like, I believe that I am OK. I don't know, I have friends who of small were brilliant and with the years they have become unbearable, or a plastic barbies, or have autoisolated themselves of the rest of the world, that's their problem.
 I have listened to JessieJ's song nd it says that we shouldn't lose who we are, and I believe it's important, at least I wouldn't like to change my way of being, I believe that though I have my faults (like all world) I'm quite good, and it isn't that I'm vain, haha. Do you remember how did you were when you were younger? Have you changed? Xoxo

Saturday 5: To be or not to be...the best

Hello again. This night I am going to tell you a part of my life that I don't to show very much to the rest of the world. If you believe that it is something very strong surely be wrong, since already I said I have neither a strange past or a turbid future.

 My topic of today treats of what the people wait of me. I am not the typical swot, in fact I study rather little and I'm not in the habit of straining very much, though my notes reflect the opposite. In addition the music is given me well and I have good hand with the sports. Above this seems to be easy, but he carries a great responsibility. The world hopes that I obtains the best notes, that I win in everything and I be the best, and lately it is not in the habit of being like that. This worries me, but it worries me more for what the others think of me that for my own worry, which is not small: that if already it is not worth it, that if it is not sufficiently good, THAT IF WE PREFER THE OTHERS … Now this is not much, but I'm scared about the idea of that in a time this follows this way and the whole world overcomes me, because if we are sincere the people who really triumphs are the best and not the second ones and I am not done to remain to the tail, I it never had to be and I would not like to prove how it is. It is possible to say that I've complex of inferiority, just now I do not believe that I'm better than the rest of persons I know, and often I don't even come to his level. I want to go to a good university and to live in USA, to be someone important, but I don't believe that it achieves everything what I want.

 If you identify with this and feel the same thing sometimes, I would like to know how you do it to return to shine. Kisses xoxo

Saturday 5: Hi!

Hello! First I am going to appear: I am a teen girl, I'm not American not even English … so sorry for my English. I've created this blog to be able to count the things that happen to me and that I would like that they were happening; I have a current life, neither i'm pregnant, not have gone to the jail, not am a drug addict … but  I have my problems and dreams, as all of you.
 I will try to write all every week, in exchange I hope you leave comments with your opinion cause it is not a monologue with myself, it's for sharing histories with new people. Little by little you will know more on me and my life, I will speak to you about many topics, but if you want to speak about someone especially only you only have to say it to me.
 To begin I am going to put a song that has a letter with which surely we all have dreamed at some time. Xoxo