Sunday 4: Changing time

Hey there! Since my last post (well not that, the one before) I've changed a little bit. I won't (and already can't) tell you about all of that but I will, at least I would try.

Like most of you would have experienced once, my mind is full of doubts (the teenager age and its hormonal jokes). I wouldn't mind if I finally got something in clear, but that's not the case.

When my head was plenty of nonsenses I stopped to think. I knew nothing about my future, I discovered I regret some part of my past, but the most fearful thought was I didn't know myself! It's terrifing...really, when you realize you're not the one you thought. But it's not comparable to realize who you are.

WHY ME? (the typical question is made) The people here around looks like being "normal" like if they wouldn't have problems or at least not mine.

People say it's only a term, and I'll discover myself and will be happy but as important as to achieve an aim is the way you do it, the steps you take, the times you fall to the ground and raise up again and again...
My conclusion? An advice. Be yourself, take your time to discover yourself, and act according to your thoughts and values. Be yourself and not what they expect you to be.

The Secret Teenager

Wednesday 12: Thinking about

Have you ever feel like your life wasn't yours? Like if you wanna live your own life but you couldn't do it?

This is how I feel right now! Like if I couldn't live my own life, because I can't take my own decissions, I can't make the changes I would like. The topic is that I will be able to do it when I grow up (18 or 21 depending of the country).
It's near but when I think about it I feel too small, like a child! I'm in that moment when you sometimes feel like you're old enough or too small.
I don't really know what I want, I have no such idea, my mind just give me several options but then doesn't choose anyone.
I know anything about myself and that sometimes hurts. I know I'm not giving my all, I'm not being the real "me". I just wait and hope someday it will be easier but I know actually it won't be like that unless I do it, and I know I won't do it yet.
I just want a fulfilling future, getting all my aims, the day I say "that's enough nonsense" and begin living my life.
But well...without more ado, let me give you an advice: "Be yourself, ever. Do it for the people who can't. Do it for you, for your happiness. It's all the people want."

If I could, then I would...

Tuesday 2: IMPOTENCE

Hello again, as always I'm sorry for not writing more often.

Since a few years I propose to make a way for the future, like everybody I suppose. I try to discover what I wanna be, how will my life would be , what will I do to decide my way … but lately I don't obtain anything of what I propose myself. It isn't because they are unattainable aims, in fact every time they are more attainable; it is not also because it don't try it or because I don't want it.

Gradually I see how the opportunities are ended and how the doors are closed without opening new windows. And I say this with 16 years.

 As I grow up, life is more hypocritical, you are losing opportunities, gaining defeats, the ways to the imagination are vanishing , and we turn into marionettes of the situations. We don't live for the present, not even for a future; we live dreaming that some day all what prevents us from getting our dreams will end up , but this is dangerous because if you don't break your obstacles, they will continue there.

Many preambles to come to say that persons live impotent in our own lives. We like to think that we have the keys of our future, that we are owners of our acts and lives but it's not like that. It rains, the catastrophes happen, the lottery makes us millionaires, the people die, we grow … and all of that, without we decide it, determines our lives.

It is not a pessimistic post, far from it. I suppose that realize is a part of the life.

From http://thebeautyofsports.tumblr.com/

I don't want to lose anything for not having tried to obtain it again, I won't return to fall down in the mediocrity being able to look for the genius, I refuse to agree to follow the fingerprints on the way of another persons being able to do my own way. I don't want to return to feel impotent in my own life because it would be like to admit that I've given up myself, and I'm not a coward.

From Facebook

It's enough of apologize myself  for things that I might have done and I didn't do. It's enough of excusing myself.
The impotence includes many aspects of our life without we could do nothing to change it, so when I has an opportunity that depends only of me, I won't lose it, because enough is taken already by the impotence, for giving what we still having.

This is a realistic and not pessimistic post.

Tuesday 31: Respect

Hello I've been so much without writing but I promised myself to do it before February.

One day, when it was returning of the high school a few boys in the park were laughing at an old lady who was in a window, she was stooping to take something of the floor and as consequence of many years, it was noticed that this was costing her physically. The boys of the park were laughing at her non-stoping. Later, when it had already happened, they asked me if there was a shop closer. My natural response was to tell them F*** U! but no, I said where it was to him and I go straight. The lady who they were laughing at, the one of the window was my grandmother.

 There are times where you wish that people mature a little. Whoever is the person that we have ahead, it deserves respect . Black, short, ill, elders, homosexuals, children, Asians, Caucasians … our capacities don't depend of it, but over all they are persons! Like us, like your families. The world must mature a little, because it lives in a constant idiot adolescence, even too idiot for teenagers. You'll know what do you do with your life but when this one concerns the life of others, at least respect them whoever they are.

The past is remembered only to learn of him. I believe that already there have been enough examples of hate for race, sex, age … Nazis, homophobes, racists … it isn't anything new, is a part of the past, of our history and is there for makins us learn.

We are persons and it's over any stupid and easy hate.

Thanks for reading!