Since a few years I propose to make a way for the future, like everybody I suppose. I try to discover what I wanna be, how will my life would be , what will I do to decide my way … but lately I don't obtain anything of what I propose myself. It isn't because they are unattainable aims, in fact every time they are more attainable; it is not also because it don't try it or because I don't want it.
Gradually I see how the opportunities are ended and how the doors are closed without opening new windows. And I say this with 16 years.
As I grow up, life is more hypocritical, you are losing opportunities, gaining defeats, the ways to the imagination are vanishing , and we turn into marionettes of the situations. We don't live for the present, not even for a future; we live dreaming that some day all what prevents us from getting our dreams will end up , but this is dangerous because if you don't break your obstacles, they will continue there.
Many preambles to come to say that persons live impotent in our own lives. We like to think that we have the keys of our future, that we are owners of our acts and lives but it's not like that. It rains, the catastrophes happen, the lottery makes us millionaires, the people die, we grow … and all of that, without we decide it, determines our lives.
It is not a pessimistic post, far from it. I suppose that realize is a part of the life.
I don't want to lose anything for not having tried to obtain it again, I won't return to fall down in the mediocrity being able to look for the genius, I refuse to agree to follow the fingerprints on the way of another persons being able to do my own way. I don't want to return to feel impotent in my own life because it would be like to admit that I've given up myself, and I'm not a coward.
It's enough of apologize myself for things that I might have done and I didn't do. It's enough of excusing myself.
The impotence includes many aspects of our life without we could do nothing to change it, so when I has an opportunity that depends only of me, I won't lose it, because enough is taken already by the impotence, for giving what we still having.
This is a realistic and not pessimistic post.