Friday 18: Secret untill last paragraph...

"These blue eyes point at his face. All the history pass before this eyes, who had never lived something similar. They had not known anybody with whom sharing their moments, their needs and specially, their pillow.
They look at each other, these blue eyes find the brown of the girl that, on having noticed it, tremble. They know it's true, it's the moment. They free fom all the fear, from the pressure. They take the initiative. They move their hands to brushing ther face. They cares it, goes down from the face for the back to coming to her waist. They bring his lips closer, notice their breathing, slow, speeding up little by little. Their lips join and in this moment nothing matters.

The blue eyes stay closed. The brown eyes of the girl reflect passion."

But  there is only one problem, the blue eyes also belong to a girl. 

For many this story was perfect untill the last paragraph. In my opinion, it has not changed, continues being perfect. I'm not lesbian, for the ones who were seized by doubt, but I don't think that it's slightly bad not even strange. It's something normal and from this humble blog I want to ask for comprehension.

 

"Don't let your fears stand in the way of your dreams"

"Where there is love, there is not imposition"- Einstein

 "Sad time ours! It's easier to dismantle an atom than a prejudice"- Einstein

Friday 14: Aspiring too highly

Hello, what's up? I'm here, like everytime I write, with something to say.

 I've decided that this year I'm going to take the important things and those who are more important for me seriously. It sounds as if before I wasn't doing it but simply I didn't have to make an effort. Now neither, but this time I'll do the things well. I've realized that the time matters, I probably won't have the same possibilities in a few years. The TIME RUNS fast and doesn't stop for anybody.

I aspire HIGH, I don't have an easy limit, I look for the difficult thing, what the whole world thinks that is the best thing. I really don't know what I want, I only know that it has to be something so good, out of the normal thing. It cannot be mediocre or simply normal.
All my life, for short it is, I have been " the best ", I was always doing the "correct thing", always I had to win, had to be better every second.
And the truth, for sad it could be, is that my life is based almost only in obtaining that will make me better, in being better than others.
 Don't get confused, I'm not competitive, except with myself, and this is a great problem. It's not nice being your own judge and to aspire to too high things because, in many cases, you will let yourself down.

I've learned to be like that, I don't do many things to be able to have the perfect history, to SEEM to be perfect. And I'm not, more than once, even more than thousand times, I have been wrong, and I've had to learn to live with my own complexes and opinions of myself, because in the end I'll be the person I will have to support for the rest of my life.

But I don't learn. I continue looking for something that maybe will come or maybe not, for what will makes me better and seem being perfect. The worse thing of everything is that I don't even KNOW WHAT I WANT, and in some moment I will have to decide and I don't want to continue living only for feigning a perfect image, but for doing what I like and for enjoying how I am, for enjoying my mistakes, for being able to repent and return to begin. 

TheSecretTeenager

Friday 16: Older-Younger...

Admit it, you did it!

Today I'm going to write about something that seems to me that has happened to everybody in one moment. In the past when I saw 15to18-year people I saw them major, and now I feel young. We all try to seem to be older, I suppose that it's because it's cool being older, but now I believe that the whole world hopes that I answers as an adult, take decisions, and already I don't enter at the plans of the "children" and every time more doors are closed to me. Everything was easy until someone decided for me that I was major, and I don't feel it this way!

When I was younger I saw the typical American teens' series of high school, where they all with 15 years had an hectic life, (though as all they were adult actors they seemed to be a bit older) but I've realized that now they're like me, or rather, I'm like them.

Having a boyfriend, going away to a house of a friend when his parents aren't that weekend, to worry for getting good marks and to join a good university, growing by the way (or supposedly to mature), and all these things that they were saying to us that we would happen some day. Everything seemed to be more enterteining, easy and interesting in the TV.

It's a topic that when you're young you wanna grow and when you do it you wanna return to the 15. Often I have thought that many of the things that we do are because we feel a spice of " social obligation ", and if not, why to mature, or to feel as an adult when you want to return to be a teenager, why many things of our life they have been decided when we are only 15 or 16 years old if  we can still change?

What I feel, what people think Iam and what I don't wanna be...

What more worries me is that life is like a game where we're the pieces, the society moves us, and we play. We play at believing older, at taking decisions, at being important, at being successful, at excelling ourselves, at accepting ourselves as we are … but then in the end we play against someone, against the rest of the world, and they will decide if we win or lose. We can believe older and that the people makes you feel small; we can play at winning, at obtaining our dreams, but then the others will be those who decide if you are worth achieving them.

All of this I've sayed to be able to summarize it in this paragraph with the reason to get you bored with this philosophical roll. I've grown, I know it because now I'm of the major ones, though I feel small. I want to win, to obtain my dreams, to be of the best, but it turns out that someone decides for me if I can or not, and in a time (really shortly, certainly) already I will not have possibilities, 0, anything.

 I began this post because I was going to speak about how strange it's to seem being older, to be a young woman, to feel like an adult, and consider yourself a child; but I end up by speaking how the final decision is not ours, and it doesn't seem to me to be right. If we fight and live for obtaining something, it should be our decision if we can or not to obtain it.

at least now...

"Just feel good with who you are, not with what people want you to be" - TheSecretTeenager

 

Tuesday 13: 11-S: Ten years

Some years before...

Everything what happens in the world is a reflection of our acts; or at least it is said by some persons that we think they are wise. In my opinion some parts from our acts will have a response, but the majority of things that happen in the world, happen for our interpretations of the others' acts. Probably I'm not explaining well for you should understand why I'm saying this speaking about that topic, in this case I'm sorry.

When I was 5 years old, I was in my grandma's house, as a normal day, seeing the TV. I don't have many memories from my chilhood, but this one is one of them, and I don't believe that I'll forget it. Now we are so used to seeing catastrophes in the TV that when we see something important it seems  to be normal to us, it is like: oh! But not many stop to think really in the events that took place. As already I said, i don't live in the USA, I didn't see how the towers fall to the ground, and I don't have lived the consequences, I don't even have a walk there. But by the eyes of that five-year girl still being reflected the images of that day.

Many wouldn't let the child see this, they say that they are traumatized. I don't believe it this way, it served me for realise taht in the world more things happen that those who happen around me, that the things that I see in television often are hard and real. But I'm going to stop centring on me, today I want to speak about other persons.

Many people, died this day, exactly 2.752, and many still continue without name or identity (about 1.630 persons). They were innocent, and they lost his lives through the fault of the decisions of a pair of persons. From here I want to remember every and each one of the victims, with their relatives and other affected people, because they suffered and they suffer for the consequences of the acts of another persons that, until this moment they were foreign to their lives. Being sincere, it's not possible to express to him well the different feelings that I can feel about this memory, already they are 10 years, and it still seems that it was yesterday, but what can I say when I see people jumping from a 400-meters building? I'm going to merely giving my support to all those who have paid for the acts of others.

 

Now...

This date mustn't be forgotten, but remembered. It is necessary to learn to live with it, without doing as if it don't exist, it happened and now, 10 years later, we remember it, with a sorrow, but each day with a feeling of continuing forward. I wait that the whole people, and especially USA will get it. My small support of that five-year-old girl.

 "We are free when we don't depend from others, so we're never free" - The Secret Teenager

                     
                         
                         

Wednesday 31: Take advantage of the moment...

I go almost two months without posting, but writing, in fact I have a few written topics but they didn't please me at all, when they are better, i'll post them. There are times that I only miss a detail for what I write likes me, to be able to express well what I want to tell you, and I leave it as a draft hoping that someday the inspiration comes to me and I finish it. And this way, already they are almost two months.

I've written this post because I saw an image (property of Shay Mitchell) in Internet and I liked it to extract as topic. More than an image it's a message, and quite clearly: take advantage of the moment! I must admit that for me writing here's like to stop for thinking a bit about my life, how it is and how I want it'd be, probably I use more as a tipe of therapy to be a better person that to tell simply something that happens to me.

The moment that now we're living never will be repeated, it won't return to be August 31, 2011, every second that we live is unique and they are counted, are limited, so why not to take advantage of them. It can be one more second or be a special second, everything depends of how we want to see it. At this moment we could be climbing the highest mountain in the world, learning an almost extinguished language or investigating on the cure from a strange disease, but often simply there is nothing to do and we spend the time in vain. But it isn't necessary doing extraordinary things, simply live through every moment that we have, though it's for stopping to thinking a bit about your own life and writing it in a miser blog ;D.

I forget! Now i have a facebook page: Follow the blog on Facebook! and a twitter account: Follow my twitter! ... Follow them!

Tuesday 28: Paralympics...

Hello! I'm infuriated with myself, also with a deep feeling of admiration to certain persons. Well, I've begun to read a book cause I liked the principal topic and was looking alike interesting: it's about a Paralympic sportswoman who when she was a young woman was healthy but when she was teen they diagnosed a degenerative disease that would make her blind. Even so, after a lot of effort she continued forward.

I'm a sportwoman, not to Olympian level, already I would like, and sincerely if for example I was remaining blind, I would not be capable of confronting it as them. I don't want to imagine how I would feel on having got into the water and not having known where I am and without knowing how to go out of there; or how to move if I don't have arms or legs. For me this is a fact that deserves all my support and respect, and something more than admiration.

 I don't need to know anyboy who is Paralympic  to know that all these competitions and big results come with previous effort, overcoming, witness, and great mental strength, without counting the fact that supposes having to adapt to a situation like this.

There is no better example of overcoming. This one is the point with I'm infuriated. I see these sportsmen with the whole world in against them and they continue fighting, everything for winning this little piece of gold at the end of a competition that will take them to other one and later to other one … And then I look at me, without straining for so many things only because it gives me laziness or seems me to be boring, or because I think it's too hard, too hard? Come off it! I really don't know what is anything too hard and I would like to learn this witness and overcoming that characterizes them. Of every person we can learn a little and of them I can learn many things that I hope some day should manage to have. As this they have all my support and I hope they manage to be very high, because they deserve everyone's respect.

It is not possible to say much more, the good thing sells in small flask and they are. I don't believe that any of them reads this but, even so I send them all my support and encouragement because I believe that they worth very much, and I believe that his effort deserves all my admiration.

Saturday 25: Social Movements...

Today I'm going to answer to the first comment of the blog. Thank you for writing. Well, the comment was speaking about a topic that now stands out much in some countries: the social movements for different reasons.
 I'm not going to get into political topics, cause I know well that every person has his opinion and I'm not going to discuss it, in addition I don't believe that I have the sufficient knowledge to give a critical opinion; neither I won't please nor will criticize to any specific movement; what I am going to say is a small summary of what, in my innocent and inexpert opinion, must be a movement to be able to have successful and to represent a great group of people.
I will start saying that I believe that the movements are a good way for expressing the opinions of the society, always when they follow certain conditions. Since I've read in this blog http://tidealistic.blogspot.com/2011/06/el-capitalismo.html that someone have send me, I share that the movements mustn't be stimulate in the violence: many movements who haven't been listened use it as way to come to the persons, but often this also implies losing the bases on which the movement rests and it indicates the end of a group.

Another aspect is the duration. There are social movements that last decades and probably never find the end because his reasons will never be shared by all, for good or bad luck, since example is the movement in favour of the rights of the Afro-Americans, whose principal figure was Martin Luther King, or for the rights of the children. Many groups had firm and decent bases in their beginnings and then they transformed in simple groups of protest against anything, and it isn't necessary to exaggerate.
I suppose that a social movement must be faithful to their principles and defend them in a pacific way and without imposing them to anybody, cause not we all think equally. Still there are many causes for that we should complain, though many will never disappear, but any great movement begins in a small act.
 Finally as I read in this comment, there are many people who with many studies and a great curriculum doesn't obtain work. This is an aspect that though I hate to admit, is like it is, because many countries are in general crisis and the money is scarcing. I believe that in this occasion it's more useful to look for a solution (if someone is capable of finding it) to simply complaining, that it is too easy.
Maybe you don't share my opinion, but I hope didn't make you waste your time.
The Secret Teenager

Monday 20: Summer Inspiration...

Hi! I'm secret teenager, I'm glad for returning with you, hope that you haven't forgotten me after all this time. I've been so busy with examinations, ends of season and all these things.
 Today I haven't  had a good day, truthly: first this night I haven't slept anything to be able to study 12 topics of literature for today's exam, and everything to raise the average of AN examination that went me badly and it will lower my global average (S***!); then in the high school I haven't made anything, well yes, I inflated globes, very logically in a high school; finally I have had a concert and it wasn't badly, it was the worst .
 After tell you this shit day, now that I'm encouraged, I'll give you a small push for those who still waiting the summer comes. It is my little inspiration to encourage myself this latter days. 

I'll begin with the image that all of us got in head when we talk about summer. It's the typical travel you do with a lot of friends to a heavenly island where you stay partying ALL day and ALL night. Well, I have planed a trip like this with my friends for our graduation. I'll told you if we get it. ;D

 

Maybe, your summer inspiration comes finding a summer love. It could be forever, or only for tomorrow, but it doesn't really mind cause you won't ever forget the feelings you felt, you will remember that summer evening at dask when this special person touch your heart and stayed there forever like a star and its blur in the blue sky. Summer loves are more passionately than winter's are. It's a mix of hot-passion-love-(and more things you can imagine yourself...).

 

 Another point of inspiration could be the freetime we have for doing things we haven't ever tried. What's you real dream? What do you really want to do? Maybe learning skateboarding, surfing..taking piano lessons; discovering new countries, new cities, new societies, different groups of people...what the hell, you can jump from a 3.000 metres high airplane and then spread your wings and begin to fly around the world (but it's better if you use a parachute instead of wings! don't forget it ;D)

 

Also, you can take advantage to have a look at the new season's clothes, and bought new trendy clothes for getting trendy; it doesn't depends of what tipe of fashion do you love.

Finally, and maybe the most important topic of summer: PARTY. This is the time for always having party, like in the typical american film where there are a party out of control. Drinking whisky and smoking aren't the only things you can do, but man, it's a party!. Summer is time for chaos, for being out of control, for innovating, to explore feelings that the rest of the year you're too busy for discovering. Come on boys!

 

I told you the most easy ways for having fun at summer and for dreaming about it during the rest of the year. Now you must think your own ways too. This is your beginning point of inspiration:

The Secret Teenager

Saturday 14: F·R·I·E·N·D·S...

Hello, I have written some drafts, even I published a post but the light went away and it was erase, sorry for being late in writing.

 Today I've decided to change a bit the topic to give thanks to these persons who make me feel well though I feel as the worst person of the world. Friends.
 I have never been of those who have a very wide group, or meet many people and is super popularly and all of that. I have the friends that I need, and sometimes I don't realize how it would be my life if they were not. I have never wanted to endear the people because I believe that in some moment this relation will break and it scares me, but I have to say that there are persons who have changed it. In the exception is the rule ¿not?.

When I have a bad moment cause everything goes badly to me, when I lose an important match, when my notes go down, when the whole world says my faults to me and I believe them, when I feel vulgar … they appear and say to me " encourage, that you're worthy " or simply they make me feel specially, they achieve make me laugh without motive, make me happy unreasonableness, do that I feel complete.Though I have never liked to admit that I need other persons, I must say that they do that my life would be like a TV comedy. And the better thing of everything is when you trust in someone and you see that it works, you feel free for being able to share the things that you feel, and feel insurance because you know that finaly they will support you.
I wanted that this was brief and not very sentimental, though I don't know if I've obtained it, simply I want to give thanks to these persons who make me smile when I only manage to cry. The Secret Teenager: Xoxo.

Lyrics (English):

Everything is perfect,
We lack nothing,
not even light, or even time,
always, or morning.

We will win
lost battles,
with only a dream
two hands interview

And not even be because
I hurts but you're not
eyes never deceive,
You can not hide.

It is not heard or seen,
comes in silence
your hands are calm,
I then fell

Everything is perfect,
We lack nothing
even blue, not even wind,
Neither always nor morning.

We are ceding
ground to oblivion,
making huge
small gaps.

And you will not even know because,
you get without wanting to,
your eyes never cheat
they have nothing to hide.

It is not heard or seen
comes in silence
my hands are calm
You then fall

and leave you lose...
takes you where you are...
stars on the water
they have nothing to hide
and I'll be back
I shall do so in silence,
my hands in your back
While you sleep I sleep

The last chosen verse...
I want to be always with you.

Friday 29: Opportunities...

 It is what the whole world looks: an opportunity to be able to express, to demonstrate they are worthy, for the world accepts you …
 They say that in certain part you are responsible for the opportunities that you have and of how you use them, but on the other hand the luck is included in the story.
When you ask someone if they would use an opportunity if they had it, they will say to you that yes, but they will never have thought it really. You only  dream that at some time this opportunity appears and without any effort you achieve what you want. For bad luck the world doesn't work this way and as the time goes, the things are more difficult and you have to make an effort to obtain less.
The opportunities turn up alone but for when you want to realize that you have it someone will have stolen it and achieved what was going to be your work, square for the university … Now the world will try to be over you and you won't be able to win the world if you hope that an opportunity comes to you. It's true that the luck influences but your probabilities of having it will increase if you are who strains for chasing what wants, for finding this opportunity, or simply for fighting against the world without managing to obtain this pinch of luck that helps you, because you alone can against the entire world and his opportunities if you propose it, you only have to strain really for that one you want, not only dreaming.
The value of the effort is something that goes in decadence lately, it's something of what we should learn of other persons who haven't taken so much luck as us in this life. A person taught me that though you believe that you cannot obtain something, even this way you must try it, because you never know if any day you will achieve it. Probably this doesn't have any sense for u, probably it really don't have it, but in a future the person who tried it will be able to feel well with itself only for the effort that he realized. This sensation of happiness and overcoming.
There are people who for some or other reasons hasn't been lucky in the life and they had the worst part, and even like that they go out forward. It was thanks to a person like that for whom I began this blog. And if they can, why cannot we strain for anything that in proportion surely is more easily?.. I believe that we haven't appeared the fact of starting straining for the first time in our life.

Monday 25: Sometimes...

Sometimes I want my life would be like a film; sometimes my life looks like a film.
 Sometimes I stop thinking to have a minute of tranquility, and in this minute I must take an important decision.
 Sometimes my life is the worst, without counting another many persons.
 Sometimes I would like to obtain everything what I want, sometimes I don't know what I want to obtain.
 Sometimes I say never and it ends up by being always.
 Sometimes doors are closed and windows are not opened.
 Sometimes I'm normal, sometimes I lie.
 Sometimes my world turns on someone, sometimes someone makes my world stops turning.
 Sometimes I write without knowing what I want to say and I say everything, but I say it wrong. Sometimes I look for an explanation to impossible things, sometimes I would like to mistake to the gravity.
 Sometimes probably is the only response I can give.
 Sometimes I find something that leaves me without words, sometimes I find the exact word.
Sometimes my dreams take the dream from me, sometimes the past steals the future from me.
 Sometimes probably is the only response I can give.
 Sometimes I find something that leaves me without words, sometimes I find the exact word.
 Sometimes so many things happen, sometimes everything seems to be so unreal that you believe that it is a dream, or a nightmare.
Sometimes I realize so many things, and simultaneously I see that I don't know many others.
Sometimes I believe in the infinite and sometimes I get lost on it. But …

Always I will have the hope of which sometimes happens what I want that happens. Xoxo

Monday 18: Bullying...

 Hello! I've been late in writing but these days I've been busy: this weekend I've gone of trip, I would have to play in a competition but I managed to make me a sprain last week and not be able to play, ok, another week of rest.
 Today I didn't know if to write about my sprain, or the competition, or on what; but reading comments in twitter I've seen a song about bullying and I've decided to write about it.

 

It's not me... See it please! 

 

When I was younger, I was the clever girl of class, I was good with the music , the sports, the college … and I had friends, and I continue having them. My friends and I have never been the most popular, not the rarest, rather we are in the middle. A few years ago some persons of my college started picking  on me, I never undersatnd why and the truth now I don't think that they made my infancy bitter, or that I need help for what they made me suffer, it's true that there were days that I preferred not going to the college only for don't have to see certain persons but it never seemed to me that it must ruining me the day so I didn't allow that it should do it and simply I carry on, I was happy with my life.Now, sometimes I see in magazines or television or comments of the people that say that they suffered bullying and that they really have suffered hard things. I decided to pass from the people who was insulting me because they only were the 0,00001 % of all the persons that I was going to meet in my life and his opinion of me doesn't mind me. I had the option to do this, but I see that there are people that not. I'm going to send two messages, one for those persons who have been insulted or who the people have made them feel less without being it; and other one to these persons who destroy others to raise his ego.

1º Message for those who suffer it:
Well, probably I don't be able to explain me well, even probably to read this doesn't help you but I write it with all my good intention. I know what is that the people criticize you for everything what you do, even for the things that you do well; I know what is to feel that all your life is a shit, which is not worth continuing forward or to try to improve because you won't obtain it, and probably it's true, but it won't be because someone who only criticizes you to spend the moment said it to you. Why do you believe something that they say to you to believe itself better than you, something that comes from people whose life doesn't have why to be better than yours. Don't ever have envy of them, his lives aren't worthy, but yours yes. If they criticize you is because you still haven't show everything what you worth, defend yourself! they must see that you worth more than what they think, they must see that you can exceed them and they have to be who have fear of you and not the other way around. Don't doubt about your capacity, your value or your dignity for people as this because it isn't worthy. YOU WORTH VERY MUCH, nobody will be able to calculate how much ever. And finally an advice: if the world gives you the back, touch his ass :P

2º Message for those who fuck:
I'm not going to insult you or to say that you are wretched not anything like this, I don't believe that it serves for anything. Have never someone pick on you? Do you know what is not to feel sufficiently good? Probably you do it in an innocent way, probably you only want to spend the moment and it looks like to you a silly joke, but for the person that this one ahead can be very hard to have to bear it. If what you need is to feel superior, you must know that it doesn't serve to be egocentric and to despise the others because probably one day they have a position superior to your one. You also worth very much, but whenever you tread on the one that is ahead you're losing value for the persons. It's so easy as to say sorry, and probably a simple word could arrange all this hurt that you have done. Be brave and admit that you have been wrong with regard to other persons, it is never late to do it.

Finally I want to say sorry to all the persons who i've made feel bad or worse in some moment of my life because I'm really sorry of it.
PS: Show always the better thing of you though the world goes against you because though there wil be people who says the opposite, you are worthy. Xoxo

Oh... so you think you know me now? Have you forgotten how You would make me feel When you drag my spirit down? .....

Sunday 10: Sports...

Hello!
 Today I'm going to tell you a bit for what I'm preparing myself lately and during the next 3 months. Ok, I love the sport and I've competitions all the year round, but at the beginning of summer it is the most important national and annual championship.
 After taking a disappointment last weekend and seeing that everything what I've trained till now is not enough cause I go too just to entrust (it's so much but still lacking), I've decided that I'm going to take it more seriously cause  it's really important for me and I want have good results; I have been   improving them this season (for 2 years I've recognized the real sport, and since this year I've begun to obtain a suitable national level).
Till now I was sacrificing many weekends that it could go with my friends to play competitions, on weekdays I use my breaks to train and when I come home and I've free moments i spend them looking for curiosities over this because I enjoy it. Surely I won't be the best or  I won't be famous or live from the sport, it won't be because I don't want but it's cause there are many people there out fighting for the same thing.
I still haven't decided about what level I want to remain or if I want to continue towards ahead. Behind all the sportsmen that we see in television there are million persons who stayed behind them and were overcome. I would like to be this person who wins always and doesn't know the defeat, though I must say that it's true that we learned more by a defeat than by a victory.
For this reason I will try to extract the better of me, at least these 3 months and if I see that it works I suppose that I will continue with it. If on the contrary I see that it doesn't work (I hope that it doesn't happen because I go away to strengthening and I don't look for so unattainable aims) I don't believe that I leave it but simply I will stay in the level that I'm now. This weekend I could have verified that what I'm doing goes course to the first national positions because playing with a mate we have reached the semi-finals, this at the beginning of season seemed to be impossible but as Adidas says "Impossible is nothing! ".
I think that I will never leave the sport cause it's something very important in my life, almost it's possible to say that  it's really for what I live. It's sure that the top athletes one day did the same questions to themselves simply that existed someone behind that supported them and they could fulfill their dream. I hope it happens to me.
I put a song here, it has a cristian message  but i only want to show the "nothing is impossible", and how the song says "I have faith in ...me" and this is what make me be better. Xoxo from a sports lover.

Wednesday 30: teen's questions ...

For write this today I 've stopped to think in all the problems I have day after day and who have my friends and acquaintances. Often I don't know if everything happens to me or what I do for everything goes out for me badly. How do the others want I tell them how I am if I don't even know it? How can I know really what I want or how I am?
 I'm going to tell you some of the doubts I have; even my friends don't know some because I'm ashame to tell him it, I don't know if you'll understand me; and other doubts that people that I know have. If you know how to help please comment , but I believe that they are big mysteries for the humanity.Probably someone looks like to you like a bilge but I'm sure I know someone in the world that the same thing happens to him.

It will begin with things as the drugs, alcohol and tobacco. I'm not the holy one, everything it is necessary to say, I'm the first one who drinks in the weekend. People ask things  like: Must I prove it? What were they think of my if I…? Do I continue smoking? Am I hooked? How can I leave it? Will something happen for a cigarette? I have friends of all kinds, from  the ones who don't want to see a cigar up to those who smoke up even the leaves of the trees; from that it isn't important for them to take a little to be happy up to those who are hooked, of all kinds. In the end … let's continue …

Another topic is the family. Always they are in way though they don't have anything to say with what you're doing. It could be to rest or to press yourself, but always they are there. In my case it is in the habit of being to put pressure. Of this things go out things like: what will I do for not disappoint them? How can I demonstrate them that I'm not a disaster? Or in case someone in your family is sick (I've friends that this is happening to them and it isn't precisely agreeable) Will it happen or finish badly? Why does this happen to me with the people that I love? The same thing that before …

The penultimate topic that I'm going to extract today is the future. I often ask myself what is what I want and I never come to a clear response. It's very troublesome to see that the whole world knows what is what it wants to do, to study … and you don't know what you want to do tomorrow. Sometimes I have the sensation that though I know I'm worthy for much things I will finish without doing anything for don't knowing well what I want. What do I want to do? What will I be in a few years? Will I obtain what I want if I strain for it (because I don't see it possible)? How can I know what is what I must do? … You will be getting tired already of me so this one is the last topic …

The most spoken topic between ourselves if we are sincere is love, so it deserve a paragraph of this post. How many times I will have asked things about this, surely more times that I have felt it really. Also it depends of the type of love that you feel. I meet people who is gay or lesbian and it's having a bad time because the people not only don't accept them, they even reject them and they're so afraid, especially to finding anybody for them because they see it very difficultly. It is a topic that gives me great sorrow because I believe that they are people as any different and I don't believe that anything happens to them for loving people of the same sex. After my reflection it will leave some questions: will I find someday this special person? (maybe) do I love him or not? I want to do it really or ..? It is normal that I feels this what I feel? And this way I could continue for hours...

All these questions pass for my mind every day at all hours, and many have achieved that some friends end up by crying for a simple supposition. They must getting bitter the adolescence , clearly, because I don't see them any other function. I hope it was so easy to answer them like to choose what you are going to have for breakfast or even how you are going to dress. Surely they continue giving turned in a time but I hope that some day they all disappear. Thank you for lasting reading this reflection, I wait I don't have you bored very much. Kisses XoXo

Wednesday 23: freedom & future...

Hello! I like seeing you still reading my blog but I would be grateful on that you were commenting with your opinion or with improvements for the blog. Today I'm going to tell you something of what I go listening to speak the whole week.  I don't know how you are but when I'm in class and they extract an interesting topic, I'm not in the habit of thinking until it should see necessary.
Lately we speak about freedom and decisions, and things related as responsibility … I understand that the major people try to teach me where I've to go, which are the correct decisions and things like that, but it seems that they had the keys of my life and could enter and decide for me when they wanted and it's something that annoys me very much, probably it's cause I'm teen as the whole world says. I already know that there are things that aren't convenient for me and that I should leave of side, but there are times that  I only want to be wrong and to lose the fear of committing mistakes, cause as  the people says that's what the life treat not?
If I'm sincere, I often would like to be able to grow bolder and to remain with 18 years, and to be able to do what  I want without having to give explanations to my parents or to the rest of the world of why do what I do. Many people say that the 18 are the worse thing cause you've to assume the responsibilities of your acts but in exchange you can decide yourself without importing what the others think.
I hope I could fly for the free sky as birds, it's a fantasy and probably a bit vulgar but it's something that I would like to feel. I've another dream more attainable, actually I've many, but one stands out on the rest. I would like to travel to USA spatially to New York and to begin there a new life since really I am, being sincere with myself and without never shamming before the rest of the world how I am, cause for me this is the real freedom. Another day I'll tell you more dreams probably more interesting and more plans of future.

Finally, cause I'm getting longer a bit, I wanted to speak about these persons who haven't got freedom, for one or other reason; in my opinion, they aren't able  to show really how they are and their worth. If this goes on to someone of you (I'm sure that we all have a part of ourselves we don't show for fear to what will they say) you may should know  that here you have a support of being yourselves.
The person who tells you her life and her dreams without giving you her identity. XoXo

Thuesday 22: Carpe Diem...

Sorry for not writing during so much time, but I have been so busy. Today while I was walking, I've met two friends who I did'nt see for much. What a difference! One has changed so much, he has become more responsible and it seemed to be impossible cause he always  was living any wich way; and the other one is still like always ,equal of  mad. How the people change. On having seen them I have realized that these small things are those that make us happy along the life. In a couple of years I've stopped speaking with many people cause they've chosen different ways to me and little by little we have stopped meeting …
Every day we choose between many things that we can do and we normally  do the same thing, routine. Every day, day after day. In my case it is: what time I get up, have I breakfast or not?, do I finish the homework that I did'nt do yesterday?, or when in class we speak I give my opinion or leave it to run?... When I was small someone  told me that we only take  few decisions  in our life and the rest  are simple steps to follow that do the days more bearable.Today I have realized that it only will exist one March 22, 2011 and though it looks like a bilge, all the small things that I've done today will define (though a few things more than others) how it's going to be tomorrow, or simply they will be good recollections. These small things make me really happy: to go to the college and seeing that everything is still equal, to come home and seeing that everything is normal … but I want to take advantage of these moments instead of leaving them to happen. I have liked a spanish song and a phrase of Jessie J's song that says:

"Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright. " - Jessie J

Thursday 10: When I was young...

Hello!.
 Today we've done the annual photos in the high school. Every year I keep them and I like to see how I've changed, it's funny. From 3 years with mushroom hair till now, though  it wasn't important for myself how I was in the photo and now it is.
 Sometimes when I look at these photos and  see how I have grown I like to remember how I was when I believed that some day I would fly as Peter Pan. In those days to put on a shirt to the neck was to take a hero's cap, when I didn't like anything I could say ' it doesn't serve ' and everything was solved, my normal food was based on baubles and ice cream, and I was dreaming that in a future I might be who I wanted; I had neither obligations nor responsibilities, everything what it was doing badly was fixing up because I was small, a luxury...haha.
I see how I grow, and though there are things that I do not like, I believe that I am OK. I don't know, I have friends who of small were brilliant and with the years they have become unbearable, or a plastic barbies, or have autoisolated themselves of the rest of the world, that's their problem.
 I have listened to JessieJ's song nd it says that we shouldn't lose who we are, and I believe it's important, at least I wouldn't like to change my way of being, I believe that though I have my faults (like all world) I'm quite good, and it isn't that I'm vain, haha. Do you remember how did you were when you were younger? Have you changed? Xoxo

Saturday 5: To be or not to be...the best

Hello again. This night I am going to tell you a part of my life that I don't to show very much to the rest of the world. If you believe that it is something very strong surely be wrong, since already I said I have neither a strange past or a turbid future.

 My topic of today treats of what the people wait of me. I am not the typical swot, in fact I study rather little and I'm not in the habit of straining very much, though my notes reflect the opposite. In addition the music is given me well and I have good hand with the sports. Above this seems to be easy, but he carries a great responsibility. The world hopes that I obtains the best notes, that I win in everything and I be the best, and lately it is not in the habit of being like that. This worries me, but it worries me more for what the others think of me that for my own worry, which is not small: that if already it is not worth it, that if it is not sufficiently good, THAT IF WE PREFER THE OTHERS … Now this is not much, but I'm scared about the idea of that in a time this follows this way and the whole world overcomes me, because if we are sincere the people who really triumphs are the best and not the second ones and I am not done to remain to the tail, I it never had to be and I would not like to prove how it is. It is possible to say that I've complex of inferiority, just now I do not believe that I'm better than the rest of persons I know, and often I don't even come to his level. I want to go to a good university and to live in USA, to be someone important, but I don't believe that it achieves everything what I want.

 If you identify with this and feel the same thing sometimes, I would like to know how you do it to return to shine. Kisses xoxo

Saturday 5: Hi!

Hello! First I am going to appear: I am a teen girl, I'm not American not even English … so sorry for my English. I've created this blog to be able to count the things that happen to me and that I would like that they were happening; I have a current life, neither i'm pregnant, not have gone to the jail, not am a drug addict … but  I have my problems and dreams, as all of you.
 I will try to write all every week, in exchange I hope you leave comments with your opinion cause it is not a monologue with myself, it's for sharing histories with new people. Little by little you will know more on me and my life, I will speak to you about many topics, but if you want to speak about someone especially only you only have to say it to me.
 To begin I am going to put a song that has a letter with which surely we all have dreamed at some time. Xoxo