At high hours inthe morning,after havingrisen early, slept less thansix hours, bringing the breakfast in a hand if you're lucky(akacoffee ina cupto take, let's see if like this you can make up your mind)going runningwhilerain falls,and whenyou get tothe stop and're about to get on, theytell youthat this littlepleasure that is provided of morningcaffeine can notenter by the door.
After work,or school, eager to get home, or to the meeting with thatperson you knew someday on the way to somewhere,and decides toarrive 30minutes late, standing in the middleof an avenuefor somesmall breakdown in themechanicalsystemof thatrustylever projecting through the door.
Loadingwiththe portfolioof books,the bag withsports apparel for then, thelittle lunch bagand a walletwhere you keepthe workyou're puttingin 2 hours after and thatyou have prepared hardly throughout theweek, but not even witha masterintetris you'll get them allstrategicallyplacein your seat, nor even thinkthe idea of usingthe top shelfabove the seats(very uncomfortable), so the bestidea is to usetheseat next to you, but then aperson decides to disable your proposalrestinghis weight onthe defenceless seat.
You find outon Sunday, when all tobacconist and non-suspicious shops have being closed,thatyour season ticket has expired, orthatthe ticket pricehasrisen(it will never fall down) and you have to buyor changeyoursbeforetomorrow morning, what'sabout 9 hours.
But that's themoment when,afterhiding(with so manydays of practice on your back) your strong morning coffee, and place all your stuff getting immobilizeyourself on your own seat, and all thoseactions that are alreadymore than a routine, you feel like athome.
You always try tositin the same area, you knowthat gentleman boy that greets youevery morning although you don't know himpersonally, and that gets off two stops before you;but the other halfof peoplewho takes it up,areunknown for you, whoselives you imagine and think about all along theway.
The traffic sound gets liven up bythe music ofyour headphonesand theconversation you havewith your peers, thosewith you onlytalk on those fourwheels,and in thatsmall journey you discoverthat are alikeyoumore than what you expected,andsometimes it partlyopen yourmindtonew ideas, there's no doubt that thesemorningconversationsare of the bestof the day,butyou might not haveyetnoticed it
You canread, studythose outstanding notes, or recoverthose hoursof sleepyou can not stop withthe coffee that is hiddeninside the jacket.
Andwhen you're notbusy talkingandyou stop andlook a little, you find a personthat you can't get off your sight, you can say you're attracted toandthat there is somethingthatmakes you ask yourself to change yourseatand starta conversation, butit's just that, an entertainment in ajourney.
And whenyou got usedto this,andaspart ofyour daily routine, you realizethatit's hardertoget off the bus than getting on.
What's up? Happy New Year! (Yeah, by these days) I'm sorry for not having written since last year (forgive me please) I suposse not having lots of time, exams, whatever (I'm still looking at the blog oftenly, just without writing)... but I'm gone!
I wanted to ask you for your new year's pourposes (Do you remember that? The things you pretend to do every year wich seems easier that what they really are, these ones!) Okey, this year I didn't expected to dream about the same wishes i usually do, I just felt right and I said "Hey, and what's about feeling good, living with a positive point of view? And I may say I'm proud. There have been almost three months, where I've discovered that life is different when you face it believing everything is worth it, world can change, you can make it!
I think it was enough to wish for the same things, which last in time and every year increase their weight like lead. Instead of that I thoutgh on a new wish, that can change my life equally and what I was decided to get.
To sum up, don't give up on your pourposes, don't ever lose the spirit that makes you an adventurer, what makes you going even against life to get your best deals!
Life's cooler when you look at her with good eyes!
Hey there! Since my last post (well not that, the one before) I've changed a little bit. I won't (and already can't) tell you about all of that but I will, at least I would try.
Like most of you would have experienced once, my mind is full of doubts (the teenager age and its hormonal jokes). I wouldn't mind if I finally got something in clear, but that's not the case.
When my head was plenty of nonsenses I stopped to think. I knew nothing about my future, I discovered I regret some part of my past, but the most fearful thought was I didn't know myself! It's terrifing...really, when you realize you're not the one you thought. But it's not comparable to realize who you are.
WHY ME? (the typical question is made) The people here around looks like being "normal" like if they wouldn't have problems or at least not mine.
People say it's only a term, and I'll discover myself and will be happy but as important as to achieve an aim is the way you do it, the steps you take, the times you fall to the ground and raise up again and again...
My conclusion? An advice. Be yourself, take your time to discover yourself, and act according to your thoughts and values. Be yourself and not what they expect you to be.
Have you ever feel like your life wasn't yours? Like if you wanna live your own life but you couldn't do it?
This is how I feel right now! Like if I couldn't live my own life, because I can't take my own decissions, I can't make the changes I would like. The topic is that I will be able to do it when I grow up (18 or 21 depending of the country).
It's near but when I think about it I feel too small, like a child! I'm in that moment when you sometimes feel like you're old enough or too small.
I don't really know what I want, I have no such idea, my mind just give me several options but then doesn't choose anyone.
I know anything about myself and that sometimes hurts. I know I'm not giving my all, I'm not being the real "me". I just wait and hope someday it will be easier but I know actually it won't be like that unless I do it, and I know I won't do it yet.
I just want a fulfilling future, getting all my aims, the day I say "that's enough nonsense" and begin living my life.
But well...without more ado, let me give you an advice: "Be yourself, ever. Do it for the people who can't. Do it for you, for your happiness. It's all the people want."
Hello again, as always I'm sorry for not writing more often.
Since a few years I propose to make a way for the future, like everybody I suppose. I try to discover what I wanna be, how will my life would be , what will I do to decide my way … but lately I don't obtain anything of what I propose myself. It isn't because they are unattainable aims, in fact every time they are more attainable; it is not also because it don't try it or because I don't want it.
Gradually I see how the opportunities are ended and how the doors are closed without opening new windows. And I say this with 16 years.
As I grow up, life is more hypocritical, you are losing opportunities, gaining defeats, the ways to the imagination are vanishing , and we turn into marionettes of the situations. We don't live for the present, not even for a future; we live dreaming that some day all what prevents us from getting our dreams will end up , but this is dangerous because if you don't break your obstacles, they will continue there.
Many preambles to come to say that persons live impotent in our own lives. We like to think that we have the keys of our future, that we are owners of our acts and lives but it's not like that. It rains, the catastrophes happen, the lottery makes us millionaires, the people die, we grow … and all of that, without we decide it, determines our lives.
It is not a pessimistic post, far from it. I suppose that realize is a part of the life.
I don't want to lose anything for not having tried to obtain it again, I won't return to fall down in the mediocrity being able to look for the genius, I refuse to agree to follow the fingerprints on the way of another persons being able to do my own way. I don't want to return to feel impotent in my own life because it would be like to admit that I've given up myself, and I'm not a coward.
From Facebook
It's enough of apologize myself for things that I might have done and I didn't do. It's enough of excusing myself.
The impotence includes many aspects of our life without we could do nothing to change it, so when I has an opportunity that depends only of me, I won't lose it, because enough is taken already by the impotence, for giving what we still having.
Hello I've been so much without writing but I promised myself to do it before February.
One day, when it was returning of the high school a few boys in the park were laughing at an old lady who was in a window, she was stooping to take something of the floor and as consequence of many years, it was noticed that this was costing her physically. The boys of the park were laughing at her non-stoping. Later, when it had already happened, they asked me if there was a shop closer. My natural response was to tell them F*** U! but no, I said where it was to him and I go straight. The lady who they were laughing at, the one of the window was my grandmother.
There are times where you wish that people mature a little. Whoever is the person that we have ahead, it deserves respect . Black, short, ill, elders, homosexuals, children, Asians, Caucasians … our capacities don't depend of it, but over all they are persons! Like us, like your families. The world must mature a little, because it lives in a constant idiot adolescence, even too idiot for teenagers. You'll know what do you do with your life but when this one concerns the life of others, at least respect them whoever they are.
The past is remembered only to learn of him. I believe that already there have been enough examples of hate for race, sex, age … Nazis, homophobes, racists … it isn't anything new, is a part of the past, of our history and is there for makins us learn.
We are persons and it's over any stupid and easy hate.
"These blue eyes point at his face. All the history pass before this eyes, who had never lived something similar. They had not known anybody with whom sharing their moments, their needs and specially, their pillow.
They look at each other, these blue eyes find the brown of the girl that, on having noticed it, tremble. They know it's true, it's the moment. They free fom all the fear, from the pressure. They take the initiative. They move their hands to brushing ther face. They cares it, goes down from the face for the back to coming to her waist. They bring his lips closer, notice their breathing, slow, speeding up little by little. Their lips join and in this moment nothing matters.
The blue eyes stay closed. The brown eyes of the girl reflect passion."
But there is only one problem, the blue eyes also belong to a girl.
For many this story was perfect untill the last paragraph. In my opinion, it has not changed, continues being perfect. I'm not lesbian, for the ones who were seized by doubt, but I don't think that it's slightly bad not even strange. It's something normal and from this humble blog I want to ask for comprehension.
"Don't let your fears stand in the way of your dreams"
"Where there is love, there is not imposition"- Einstein
"Sad time ours! It's easier to dismantle an atom than a prejudice"- Einstein
Hello, what's up? I'm here, like everytime I write, with something to say.
I've decided that this year I'm going to take the important things and those who are more important for me seriously. It sounds as if before I wasn't doing it but simply I didn't have to make an effort. Now neither, but this time I'll do the things well. I've realized that the time matters, I probably won't have the same possibilities in a few years. The TIME RUNS fast and doesn't stop for anybody.
I aspire HIGH, I don't have an easy limit, I look for the difficult thing, what the whole world thinks that is the best thing. I really don't know what I want, I only know that it has to be something so good, out of the normal thing. It cannot be mediocre or simply normal.
All my life, for short it is, I have been " the best ", I was always doing the "correct thing", always I had to win, had to be better every second.
And the truth, for sad it could be, is that my life is based almost only in obtaining that will make me better, in being better than others.
Don't get confused, I'm not competitive, except with myself, and this is a great problem. It's not nice being your own judge and to aspire to too high things because, in many cases, you will let yourself down.
I've learned to be like that, I don't do many things to be able to have the perfect history, to SEEM to be perfect. And I'm not, more than once, even more than thousand times, I have been wrong, and I've had to learn to live with my own complexes and opinions of myself, because in the end I'll be the person I will have to support for the rest of my life.
But I don't learn. I continue looking for something that maybe will come or maybe not, for what will makes me better and seem being perfect. The worse thing of everything is that I don't even KNOW WHAT I WANT, and in some moment I will have to decide and I don't want to continue living only for feigning a perfect image, but for doing what I like and for enjoying how I am, for enjoying my mistakes, for being able to repent and return to begin.
Today I'm going to write about something that seems to me that has happened to everybody in one moment. In the past when I saw 15to18-year people I saw them major, and now I feel young. We all try to seem to be older, I suppose that it's because it's cool being older, but now I believe that the whole world hopes that I answers as an adult, take decisions, and already I don't enter at the plans of the "children" and every time more doors are closed to me. Everything was easy until someone decided for me that I was major, and I don't feel it this way!
When I was younger I saw the typical American teens' series of high school, where they all with 15 years had an hectic life, (though as all they were adult actors they seemed to be a bit older) but I've realized that now they're like me, or rather, I'm like them.
Having a boyfriend, going away to a house of a friend when his parents aren't that weekend, to worry for getting good marks and to join a good university, growing by the way (or supposedly to mature), and all these things that they were saying to us that we would happen some day. Everything seemed to be more enterteining, easy and interesting in the TV.
It's a topic that when you're young you wanna grow and when you do it you wanna return to the 15. Often I have thought that many of the things that we do are because we feel a spice of " social obligation ", and if not, why to mature, or to feel as an adult when you want to return to be a teenager, why many things of our life they have been decided when we are only 15 or 16 years old if we can still change?
What I feel, what people think Iam and what I don't wanna be...
What more worries me is that life is like a game where we're the pieces, the society moves us, and we play. We play at believing older, at taking decisions, at being important, at being successful, at excelling ourselves, at accepting ourselves as we are … but then in the end we play against someone, against the rest of the world, and they will decide if we win or lose. We can believe older and that the people makes you feel small; we can play at winning, at obtaining our dreams, but then the others will be those who decide if you are worth achieving them.
All of this I've sayed to be able to summarize it in this paragraph with the reason to get you bored with this philosophical roll. I've grown, I know it because now I'm of the major ones, though I feel small. I want to win, to obtain my dreams, to be of the best, but it turns out that someone decides for me if I can or not, and in a time (really shortly, certainly) already I will not have possibilities, 0, anything.
I began this post because I was going to speak about how strange it's to seem being older, to be a young woman, to feel like an adult, and consider yourself a child; but I end up by speaking how the final decision is not ours, and it doesn't seem to me to be right. If we fight and live for obtaining something, it should be our decision if we can or not to obtain it.
at least now...
"Just feel good with who you are, not with what people want you to be" - TheSecretTeenager
Everything what happens in the world is a reflection of our acts; or at least it is said by some persons that we think they are wise. In my opinion some parts from our acts will have a response, but the majority of things that happen in the world, happen for our interpretations of the others' acts. Probably I'm not explaining well for you should understand why I'm saying this speaking about that topic, in this case I'm sorry.
When I was 5 years old, I was in my grandma's house, as a normal day, seeing the TV. I don't have many memories from my chilhood, but this one is one of them, and I don't believe that I'll forget it. Now we are so used to seeing catastrophes in the TV that when we see something important it seems to be normal to us, it is like: oh! But not many stop to think really in the events that took place. As already I said, i don't live in the USA, I didn't see how the towers fall to the ground, and I don't have lived the consequences, I don't even have a walk there. But by the eyes of that five-year girl still being reflected the images of that day.
Many wouldn't let the child see this, they say that they are traumatized. I don't believe it this way, it served me for realise taht in the world more things happen that those who happen around me, that the things that I see in television often are hard and real. But I'm going to stop centring on me, today I want to speak about other persons.
Many people, died this day, exactly 2.752, and many still continue without name or identity (about 1.630 persons). They were innocent, and they lost his lives through the fault of the decisions of a pair of persons. From here I want to remember every and each one of the victims, with their relatives and other affected people, because they suffered and they suffer for the consequences of the acts of another persons that, until this moment they were foreign to their lives. Being sincere, it's not possible to express to him well the different feelings that I can feel about this memory, already they are 10 years, and it still seems that it was yesterday, but what can I say when I see people jumping from a 400-meters building? I'm going to merely giving my support to all those who have paid for the acts of others.
Now...
This date mustn't be forgotten, but remembered. It is necessary to learn to live with it, without doing as if it don't exist, it happened and now, 10 years later, we remember it, with a sorrow, but each day with a feeling of continuing forward. I wait that the whole people, and especially USA will get it. My small support of that five-year-old girl.
"We are free when we don't depend from others, so we're never free" - The Secret Teenager
I go almost two months without posting, but writing, in fact I have a few written topics but they didn't please me at all, when they are better, i'll post them. There are times that I only miss a detail for what I write likes me, to be able to express well what I want to tell you, and I leave it as a draft hoping that someday the inspiration comes to me and I finish it. And this way, already they are almost two months.
I've written this post because I saw an image (property of Shay Mitchell) in Internet and I liked it to extract as topic. More than an image it's a message, and quite clearly: take advantage of the moment! I must admit that for me writing here's like to stop for thinking a bit about my life, how it is and how I want it'd be, probably I use more as a tipe of therapy to be a better person that to tell simply something that happens to me.
The moment that now we're living never will be repeated, it won't return to be August 31, 2011, every second that we live is unique and they are counted, are limited, so why not to take advantage of them. It can be one more second or be a special second, everything depends of how we want to see it. At this moment we could be climbing the highest mountain in the world, learning an almost extinguished language or investigating on the cure from a strange disease, but often simply there is nothing to do and we spend the time in vain. But it isn't necessary doing extraordinary things, simply live through every moment that we have, though it's for stopping to thinking a bit about your own life and writing it in a miser blog ;D.
Hello! I'm infuriated with myself, also with a deep feeling of admiration to certain persons. Well, I've begun to read a book cause I liked the principal topic and was looking alike interesting: it's about a Paralympic sportswoman who when she was a young woman was healthy but when she was teen they diagnosed a degenerative disease that would make her blind. Even so, after a lot of effort she continued forward.
I'm a sportwoman, not to Olympian level, already I would like, and sincerely if for example I was remaining blind, I would not be capable of confronting it as them. I don't want to imagine how I would feel on having got into the water and not having known where I am and without knowing how to go out of there; or how to move if I don't have arms or legs. For me this is a fact that deserves all my support and respect, and something more than admiration.
I don't need to know anyboy who is Paralympic to know that all these competitions and big results come with previous effort, overcoming, witness, and great mental strength, without counting the fact that supposes having to adapt to a situation like this.
There is no better example of overcoming. This one is the point with I'm infuriated. I see these sportsmen with the whole world in against them and they continue fighting, everything for winning this little piece of gold at the end of a competition that will take them to other one and later to other one … And then I look at me, without straining for so many things only because it gives me laziness or seems me to be boring, or because I think it's too hard, too hard? Come off it! I really don't know what is anything too hard and I would like to learn this witness and overcoming that characterizes them. Of every person we can learn a little and of them I can learn many things that I hope some day should manage to have. As this they have all my support and I hope they manage to be very high, because they deserve everyone's respect.
It is not possible to say much more, the good thing sells in small flask and they are. I don't believe that any of them reads this but, even so I send them all my support and encouragement because I believe that they worth very much, and I believe that his effort deserves all my admiration.
Today I'm going to answer to the first comment of the blog. Thank you for writing. Well, the comment was speaking about a topic that now stands out much in some countries: the social movements for different reasons.
I'm not going to get into political topics, cause I know well that every person has his opinion and I'm not going to discuss it, in addition I don't believe that I have the sufficient knowledge to give a critical opinion; neither I won't please nor will criticize to any specific movement; what I am going to say is a small summary of what, in my innocent and inexpert opinion, must be a movement to be able to have successful and to represent a great group of people.
I will start saying that I believe that the movements are a good way for expressing the opinions of the society, always when they follow certain conditions. Since I've read in this blog http://tidealistic.blogspot.com/2011/06/el-capitalismo.html that someone have send me, I share that the movements mustn't be stimulate in the violence: many movements who haven't been listened use it as way to come to the persons, but often this also implies losing the bases on which the movement rests and it indicates the end of a group.
Another aspect is the duration. There are social movements that last decades and probably never find the end because his reasons will never be shared by all, for good or bad luck, since example is the movement in favour of the rights of the Afro-Americans, whose principal figure was Martin Luther King, or for the rights of the children. Many groups had firm and decent bases in their beginnings and then they transformed in simple groups of protest against anything, and it isn't necessary to exaggerate.
I suppose that a social movement must be faithful to their principles and defend them in a pacific way and without imposing them to anybody, cause not we all think equally. Still there are many causes for that we should complain, though many will never disappear, but any great movement begins in a small act.
Finally as I read in this comment, there are many people who with many studies and a great curriculum doesn't obtain work. This is an aspect that though I hate to admit, is like it is, because many countries are in general crisis and the money is scarcing. I believe that in this occasion it's more useful to look for a solution (if someone is capable of finding it) to simply complaining, that it is too easy.
Maybe you don't share my opinion, but I hope didn't make you waste your time.
The Secret Teenager
Hi! I'm secret teenager, I'm glad for returning with you, hope that you haven't forgotten me after all this time. I've been so busy with examinations, ends of season and all these things.
Today I haven't had a good day, truthly: first this night I haven't slept anything to be able to study 12 topics of literature for today's exam, and everything to raise the average of AN examination that went me badly and it will lower my global average (S***!); then in the high school I haven't made anything, well yes, I inflated globes, very logically in a high school; finally I have had a concert and it wasn't badly, it was the worst .
After tell you this shit day, now that I'm encouraged, I'll give you a small push for those who still waiting the summer comes. It is my little inspiration to encourage myself this latter days.
I'll begin with the image that all of us got in head when we talk about summer. It's the typical travel you do with a lot of friends to a heavenly island where you stay partying ALL day and ALL night. Well, I have planed a trip like this with my friends for our graduation. I'll told you if we get it. ;D
Maybe, your summer inspiration comes finding a summer love. It could be forever, or only for tomorrow, but it doesn't really mind cause you won't ever forget the feelings you felt, you will remember that summer evening at dask when this special person touch your heart and stayed there forever like a star and its blur in the blue sky. Summer loves are more passionately than winter's are. It's a mix of hot-passion-love-(and more things you can imagine yourself...).
Another point of inspiration could be the freetime we have for doing things we haven't ever tried. What's you real dream? What do you really want to do? Maybe learning skateboarding, surfing..taking piano lessons; discovering new countries, new cities, new societies, different groups of people...what the hell, you can jump from a 3.000 metres high airplane and then spread your wings and begin to fly around the world (but it's better if you use a parachute instead of wings! don't forget it ;D)
Also, you can take advantage to have a look at the new season's clothes, and bought new trendy clothes for getting trendy; it doesn't depends of what tipe of fashion do you love.
Finally, and maybe the most important topic of summer: PARTY. This is the time for always having party, like in the typical american film where there are a party out of control. Drinking whisky and smoking aren't the only things you can do, but man, it's a party!. Summer is time for chaos, for being out of control, for innovating, to explore feelings that the rest of the year you're too busy for discovering. Come on boys!
I told you the most easy ways for having fun at summer and for dreaming about it during the rest of the year. Now you must think your own ways too. This is your beginning point of inspiration:
Hello, I have written some drafts, even I published a post but the light went away and it was erase, sorry for being late in writing.
Today I've decided to change a bit the topic to give thanks to these persons who make me feel well though I feel as the worst person of the world. Friends.
I have never been of those who have a very wide group, or meet many people and is super popularly and all of that. I have the friends that I need, and sometimes I don't realize how it would be my life if they were not. I have never wanted to endear the people because I believe that in some moment this relation will break and it scares me, but I have to say that there are persons who have changed it. In the exception is the rule ¿not?.
When I have a bad moment cause everything goes badly to me, when I lose an important match, when my notes go down, when the whole world says my faults to me and I believe them, when I feel vulgar … they appear and say to me " encourage, that you're worthy " or simply they make me feel specially, they achieve make me laugh without motive, make me happy unreasonableness, do that I feel complete.Though I have never liked to admit that I need other persons, I must say that they do that my life would be like a TV comedy. And the better thing of everything is when you trust in someone and you see that it works, you feel free for being able to share the things that you feel, and feel insurance because you know that finaly they will support you.
I wanted that this was brief and not very sentimental, though I don't know if I've obtained it, simply I want to give thanks to these persons who make me smile when I only manage to cry. The Secret Teenager: Xoxo.
Lyrics (English):
Everything is perfect,
We lack nothing,
not even light, or even time,
always, or morning.
We will win
lost battles,
with only a dream
two hands interview
And not even be because
I hurts but you're not
eyes never deceive,
You can not hide.
It is not heard or seen,
comes in silence
your hands are calm,
I then fell
Everything is perfect,
We lack nothing
even blue, not even wind,
Neither always nor morning.
We are ceding
ground to oblivion,
making huge
small gaps.
And you will not even know because,
you get without wanting to,
your eyes never cheat
they have nothing to hide.
It is not heard or seen
comes in silence
my hands are calm
You then fall
and leave you lose...
takes you where you are...
stars on the water
they have nothing to hide
and I'll be back
I shall do so in silence,
my hands in your back
While you sleep I sleep
The last chosen verse...
I want to be always with you.
